1, If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you ve never tried before.

6. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

7. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

8. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

9. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

10. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

11. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

12. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

13. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

14. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

15. Junk is something you ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

16, Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

17. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.