Oh  shit,

Just a few words of wisdom :     

Taoism: Shit happens     

Confucionism: Confucius says: "Shit happens"     

Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit     

Zen: Whai is the sound of shit happening?     

Hinduism: This shit has happened before     

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah     

Protestantism: Let the shit happen to someone else     

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it     

Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?     

Sufism: The wise man never notices shit happening     

Christian Science: If shit happens, pretend it doesn't really exist     

Solipsism: Shit happens because I wish it     

Mysticism: Just experience shit happening     

Asceticism: If shit happens, renounce it     

Agnosticism: Nobody knows why shit happens     

Gnosticism: I know why shit happens but won't tell you     

Atheism: Shit just happens and that's all there is to it     

Cartesianism: Shit happens to me, therefore I exist     

Platonism: There is ideal shit happening somewhere     

Stoicism: I don't care if shit happens     

Epicureanism: Let's party while shit doesn't happen     

Cynicism: Of course shit happens     

Occultism: Shit materializes from other planes of existence     

Terrorism: Shit will happen unless you do as I say     

Pollyanism: It's so nice that shit happens!     

Puritanism: S** can happen all day as long as you don't call it that     

Behaviorism: You are conditioned to having shit happen     

Freudianism: If shit happens, it's your mother's fault     

Parapsychology: Shit happens without material causes     

Surrealism: Purple shit happens near melting clocks     

Cubism: If shit happens, you won't recognize it     

Cultural relativism: Shit happens everywhere differently     

Optimism: If shit happens, we'll find a way to use it     

Pessimism: If shit happens, there won't be enough for everybody     

Tabloid Sensationalism: Green shit from Mars happens to Elvis clone     

Biblical Creationism: Shit happens because God created it     

Secular Humanism: Shit happens because it evolved from primitive shit     

Scientific Reductionism: If shit happens, find out what kind exactly     

Scientific Obscurantism: Amorphous excrement does occur in given cases     

Bureaucracy: I don't care if shit happens as long as you fill out the forms     

Feminism: Women demand to have shit happen     

Ecology: If organic shit happens, it's OK     

Capitalism: Let's profit from shit happening     

Socialism: If shit happens, let's distribute it equally     

Patriotism: Our shit is better than your shit     

Conservatism: They don't make even shit happen like they used to     

Liberalism: Shit shouldn't happen tomorrow     

Classical Physics: Shit does not 'happen', it just moves around     

Quantum Physics #1: Shit happens but you can't say both where and when     

Quantum Physics #2: Shit happens in discrete  quanta called shitons     

Holistic Physics: If shit happens, it happens everywhere at once     

Microcomputing: If shit happens, we'll fix it in the next version     

Computer Science: All shit can in principle happen on a Turing Machine     

Applied Mathematics: The probabity of shit happening approaches unity     

Engineering: When shit happens, paint over     

Medicine: If shit happens, take two Aspirins and call me in the morning     

Economics: Shit happens because there's a geat demand for it     

Politics: If shit happens, make a deal with it     

Diplomacy: Let's pretend shit doesn't happen